Mother's Day.

After a slew of updates and posts about every mother of every connection we have on every different social media site- we all are once again reminded : We all came from somewhere!! Not that this is an epiphany of any sort, of course we knew this. Some of us still have the fortune of spending Mother's day with our beloved moms, some of us don't. Perhaps some of us don't find our mother's to be so beloved anymore, or perhaps never did.

Not being a mom myself, I celebrate the women who are on days such as these. I read so many posts and reflections on how close some people are with their mothers and families and how wonderful the relationship has been all along, and they don't know where they would be without that woman in their life. Well, I may have not always gotten along with my mother. I may have given her a hard time because I was an evil teenager confused and conflicted and learning how to grow up. Maybe. The jury is still out.

I have many fond memories with my mother from growing up. She is a fantastic, strong, energetic, miraculous woman. I cherish my childhood memories with her, and with other family members as well.
I just recognize that although were weren't always best friends, she was ALWAYS my mom. And I mean that in the sense of when I resisted, being a stubborn child from the moment I was born, she held her ground. She wasn't trying to be my best friend because that isn't always what we need our moms to be. We need them to teach us, encourage us, and perhaps sometimes- scold us.

My mother was my biggest cheerleader, as well as being my sisters, and perhaps our whole high school sports teams. She was at every game, witnessed every moment, and every injury. Still to this day if we need help with something, the first thing she does is offer to be there for us, and comes to help.

My mom has been 100 different things to me at different times- be it a cheerleader, a disciplinarian, an advocate, a sounding board, a critic, an inspiration, and example or whatever the moment called for. I think that must be one of the hardest things in the world. I don't know anyone who has done it perfectly, but I know the only ones willing to commit their lives to it are parents. I am thankful to and humbled by my mom. There aren't enough words to describe her- if you meet her, you will know what I mean.

Be your own hero.

We grow up either with comic books or cartoons and movies about superheros and the stories of them saving mankind. Sometimes we get a bit to caught up in the stories and fantasies and forget to find a real life hero, or even, be our own hero.

It is all too easy to become complacent, and accept the every day normality of life. But when you think about who you admire, be it a business person, a celebrity, a family member - think of why you do. Is it because they sat around and accepted life to be what comes to them or because they made the best out of each day, pushed to make life better, and created their own circumstances?

Being brave and ambitious sometimes means getting out of our comfort zones and being forced to be away from the ones we love, and away from the places we have long called home.

Sometimes you don't leave the place you call home, but you stay up for an extra hour to do work, or get up an hour earlier to get some exercise in. Even something as simple as connecting with those people who you admire and love during a typically boring car ride can be beneficial to your life, your happiness, and perhaps theirs. Take your time with life, for it passes all to quickly. Spend extra moments on self improvement and chasing your dreams. Let's not let life pass us by- let's grab the bull by the horn and create our own happiness, and push towards our own victories. Although sometimes we think, "why am I doing this?", try to remember the bigger picture of our goals.

Maintain your relationships and while you may want to be home sooner than you are able, if you put also put effort towards the people that are important to you, they will be there when you do make it home. Ambition isn't just a work or paycheck driven characteristic, it should also be applied to relationships. Or whatever you find most important. To identify those I often think about all the things in my life and then imagine losing them. When just the thought of losing the ones I love brings tears to my eyes, I know that's where I cannot ever let myself slip.

I find all parts of life are better when you make more of an effort towards the most important ones. Not one aspect of life is mutually exclusive. Every aspect is affected by how we feel, and if we feel we are doing are best in one area, we begin to do our best in all the others. And remember- doing our best doesn't mean you did something perfectly, it means you learned from what you failed to do perfectly. Be your own hero, and if you are lucky, you will be someone else's- even if you don't know it. And every once in a while throw on the cape just for fun.

Land Fish.

This is something I wrote about 3 years ago.

land fish.
Sometimes I wonder about the possibility of a personality being hypocritical.
Torn between the earth and it's shores, forever reaching for the clouds, with many hopes of sitting upon them, I push my heels further into the ground I find myself standing on.
How I got to be standing, this I do not know.

Addictive and unstable, compulsive and forgetful. Give me a fucking cigarette and I'll either smoke it to the filter or toss it to the ground, wishing it didn't pollute me or this earth.

Torn between indecision and constant confusion, anxiety takes it's place where a heart used to be. It beats like a heart, only faster and nervously. Not slowly, rhythmically, romantically....

There is no yearning for such things of importance. And yet, in the darkness of the night, or under the suffocating sun, the ice melts around my feet threatening to expose me and my body's warmth to the cold water underneath.

The fish in their homes would not be fooled. For they have been watching all along, through the layers of ice. Only they can breath under water. They watch while I can't.

luck of the irish

I've never been one to believe in luck- I think life is more about the choices you make and that everything happens for a reason. Maybe because it is hard for me to accept that one person should deserve more good fortune than another. Anyway, with Saint Patrick's Day just around the corner I am seeing green, shamrocks, and dark stout everywhere. I can't help but think about luck and the "luck of the Irish"- which coincidentally, means to have bad luck as the tale goes that Irish folk have unfortunate luck.
Create your own good fortune! Take action in your life. But wear green and drink a Guinness anyway, and celebrate your heritage, or the heritage of your peers.

Success, love and other drugs.

Success.

How do you measure success? Be it in others or yourself, what are the qualifications to be deemed a success?
Just for fun, google "success". Below are my findings..

suc·cess

1. favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors.

2. the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.

3. obsolete.

Number One. By far the closest definition to my personal thought on success. Attempt and endeavor what you dream of. Take your goals (if you don't have any then first establish some) and focus them. Focus on attaining those goals and reaching them. What is most important in your life? Often times we evaluate our life choices and goals in time of desperation and difficulty. Try to stay focused regardless of your current circumstance or happiness. Goals are ever changing, some easy, some seemingly impossible. I don't know if I would even classify reaching all of your goals a success. It is more the attempt and dedication to your commitments to yourself and others that dictates success.

Number Two. Bullshit. I mean, in some cases, yes. Wealth, status, and honors can be viewed as successes. But is that all it is to be a success? Hardly.

Number Three. Obsolete? Perhaps.

For many things in life, there are qualifications or criteria that must be met. Whether it is to be accepted into a school or program, get a job, apply for a loan, or live in an apartment. It also extends to aesthetic qualifications- are they attractive enough to date, do I qualify to wear this dress based on how it looks on me?
More importantly, we have to set criteria for ourselves and keep our standards high. These are all by personal definition or interpretation, but in a world that revolves around money, qualifications and credentials, it is hard to not define our success by the amount of money in our wallet, job status, or how nice of a car we drive.

I aim to define my success in different terms-

• Make my own happiness
• Improve other people's happiness
• Work as hard as I can
  
• Be kind to strangers
• Make others laugh
• Stay in touch with the ones I love
• Strive to be better today than I was yesterday
• Don't sweat the small stuff
  
• Laugh REALLY hard at least once a day
• Keep my commitments
• Explore
• Stay in good health
• Learn something new as often as possible

Of course, this list is a work in progress, but when I sat down to identify what was most important to me and what would make me feel like a success, I noticed that none of the things on my list had anything to do with the money in my pocket, how nice my car is, or how many designer pieces of clothing are hanging in my closet. Granted, I stress about having enough money to be comfortable in my life, I want a nice car, and I am addicted to beautiful clothes. But if I think about what I would do if I lost those things, I feel indifferent. When I think about never laughing again, never making someone else laugh or smile, not talking to those I love ever again, losing the ability to learn or explore, it devastates me. I can handle losing the things I have become accustomed to and I would rather die than lose the things I take for granted. Funny how that works. Success will be if I fully appreciate, and express my appreciation for all the things and people that I take for granted. I think life is more about making an impact on others - we are all here for a reason. I don't think my reason is to acquire all the beautiful clothes I possibly can...

Don't take anything for granted, search for your happiness, and cherish the things you tend to take for granted. Don't look in the mirror and feel disappointed in what you see- those things are all fleeting and editable. Look inside yourself and your mind, that is the reflection that matters. Focus on it, and success will follow.

Passing Time

Every day passes quicker than the one before. It's a troubling fact that we hear about from the time we are wee ones, with our parents running about, perplexed that yet another day, week, or month has passed them by. How could this happen when we have yet to do all the things we intended to? Write more, reconnect with friends, purge of old belongings, be better people....

Well, I find this "loss of time" conundrum is becoming increasingly more prevalent and difficult to fight in the 21st century. Every time we turn around there is a new gadget, application, or social media outlet we must engage. Sometimes I try to avoid them, but then I think- in this day and age, being young and immersed in the professional world, there is not a chance of survival if I don't understand and master each one of these gadgets and tools. Thus, we are lost in a sea of electronics and innovation, and time passes us by, faster than it ever passed by the now older generations.

What's the point? Well, if you are complacent in your life and don't mind waking up and wondering where the time went, I guess there isn't a point. But for those of us who wake up with our foot twitching, those who have the tendency to push the gas pedal all the way down, and spend time planning all the places we need to go- we need more. While being relevant through media is the most "it" thing since the Apple and Facebook revolutions, we must also fight for clarity and reality. We exist not only through the fingertips we use to punch the letters to write the words that become our history on the Internet, but also though the feet and the bottoms firmly planted in the chair we perch in as we do so. The chair which sits on the floor of the house, built upon the dirt and the earth, amongst the trees and oceans, underneath the sun and the stars.

Take a moment and reconnect with something aside from your keyboard. Take that moment every day. Live outside media, exist in the space around you. Life passes us by, we may as well try to catch it while we still have the chance.

Sprezzatura

Sprezzatura: An art that seems artless; a rehearsed spontaneity.

It is really the effortful pursuit of the appearance of effortlessness, a dedication to the end result.

How many things in life would we like to seem effortless? Whether it's a well thought out ensemble, walking in sky-high heels, juggling work, homework, relationships, our health, our happiness - we all hope to appear in control. Lack of control can feel like, or be viewed as, weakness. But why is that? Why be afraid to show a little vulnerability? Are we in denial of our own imperfections or do we think others assume we have none, or maybe they just didn't notice yet? Often it is those very flaws, or moments of clear conflict when distress is furrowed in your brow, that we find out who each other really are.

While practiced actions and habits can bring about certain perceptions of grace and elegance for your reputation and granted one would do well to aim to be elegant, remember that all of us have moments where we lack sophistication. The key is to be able to laugh at ourselves in these fleeting moments, when our ankle buckles during our supermodel strut or we lose track of one of the many things in our busy schedule, because this is where true happiness lies, and you just can't fake that.